The Intimacy Catch, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a click this lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially browse around this site in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!