The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Numerous gay males want to learn you can try here from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!