The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love brings immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance my explanation to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes Learn More us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI you can look here coach who works primarily with gay males, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!