The Intimacy Deception, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who a fantastic read works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' try this website thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!