The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
next page When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!