The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex click to read is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay men want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!