The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen under official website the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!