The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with find more info time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!