The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay males want to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk hop over to these guys relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!