The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit Recommended Reading it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is Bonuses a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!