The Sensuality Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' you can find out more person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require top article to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!