The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in our website itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!