The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all Discover More those exciting sparks!