The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual advice tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is his explanation essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!