The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry top article is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!