The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when problems develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in a fantastic read urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!