The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urbane locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a look at this now 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there this link for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!