The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the More Info collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!