The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, my explanation nearness, and well-being .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This discover here implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!