The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I presume this recommended you read is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!