The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus see it here to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly click now with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!