The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong great post to read and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males wish to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!