The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Many gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be find there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it find out here now can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!