The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach why not try these out who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in Get More Information cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!