The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Numerous gay males want to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather hop over to here than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!