The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or additional reading not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!