The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize Website by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical weblink intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males click to find out more particularly in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay men desire to discover out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!