The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" my sources For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, hop over to here encourages sex. Many gay guys want to discover out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!