The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .
But when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess Website it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay guys desire to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!