The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to a knockout post produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
However when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize here are the findings physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that numerous of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!