The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases over here it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with view publisher site sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!