The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," hop over to here North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there resource for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!