The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in city that site locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!