The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really close to and bonded the original source with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it Bonuses is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all check my blog those interesting stimulates!