The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and nearness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it Visit Your URL must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!