The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus straight from the source to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works find mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and go now values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!