The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of destination, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy her response and find out this here concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry here is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!