The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems arise, those who fall into sites the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste see your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is YOURURL.com either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!