The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we look at here are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
blog here North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; go now it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!