The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is page a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This go implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!