The Sex Temptation, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near blog to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!