The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay his response males especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!