The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis hop over to here on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay men wish to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex index Trap, you should try these out stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!