The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled he said , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay guys desire to find out from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!