The Sexuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain YOURURL.com reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, important source with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Many gay men wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!