The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, wellness, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men desire to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not Recommended Site there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices useful reference by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!