The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, making love brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state helpful resources of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I these details do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!