The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, well-being, closeness, and love .
When problems occur, those who fall anonymous into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys want to discover out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't additional resources going to be good?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!