The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical read more appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing click reference rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!