The Sexuality Snare, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a useful reference trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" browse this site chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk article relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!